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Former United States Senator Jesse Helms, 1921 - 2008.
July 4, 2008 8:22 AM   RSS feed for this thread Subscribe

Fmr. US Senator Jesse Helms, 1921 - 2008.

Wikipedia | Wikiquote | Collection of attributed quotes (unsourced)
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane (315 comments total)

Wow, now I have two reasons to party today!
posted by Nelson at 8:23 AM on July 4 [9 favorites]


*
posted by Afroblanco at 8:24 AM on July 4 [5 favorites]


Treble.
posted by biffa at 8:26 AM on July 4


3-peat!!
posted by tresbizzare at 8:27 AM on July 4


On the Fourth of July.

Mixed emotions, I have. He was the epitome of so many North Carolinians of his generation, both for good and for ill.

Most of you knew him as Senator No. Many of us of my generation knew him as an editorial broadcaster-if I recall correctly, for Channel 5.

Whether you hated him or loved him or were indifferent to him, he is definitely a part of this nation's history.
posted by konolia at 8:28 AM on July 4 [2 favorites]


he is definitely a part of this nation's history

like a lung cancer, yes.
posted by yort at 8:30 AM on July 4 [8 favorites]


I wonder if he ever had a Tantric massage?
posted by Abiezer at 8:30 AM on July 4 [1 favorite]


You know who else was part of a nation's history?

/obligatory
posted by bhance at 8:31 AM on July 4 [11 favorites]


This seems like the best of the bunch, even if I mistook it as number two instead of number three when I was deleting the real number two.
posted by cortex at 8:33 AM on July 4


Woot! Hope your trip to hell is quick, Jesse.
posted by cerebus19 at 8:34 AM on July 4


Jesse Helms, White Racist by David Broder, Washington Post.
posted by ericb at 8:35 AM on July 4


This nation lost two Bozos in one week.
posted by applemeat at 8:36 AM on July 4 [20 favorites]


Is this the guy that makes the kickin' head gear?
posted by oddman at 8:36 AM on July 4


What a patriot. Checking out on Independence Day.

I thought he was dead already. So long you racist fuck. It is guys like Helms that make me wish there was a hell.
posted by birdherder at 8:37 AM on July 4


Some of his choice words -- from the attributed quotes link*:
"There is not one single case of AIDS in this country that cannot be traced in origin to sodomy."

-- States News Service, 5/17/88

"What is really at stake is whether or not America will allow the cultural high ground in this nation to sink slowly into an abyss of slime to placate people who clearly seek or are willing to destroy the Judaic-Christian foundations of this republic."

-- 1990, on funding for the National Endowment for the Arts

"I've been portrayed as a caveman by some. That's not true. I'm a conservative progressive, and that means I think all men are equal, be they slants, beaners or niggers."

-- North Carolina Progressive, February 6, 1985

"Let me adjust my hearing aid. It could not accommodate the decibels of the Senator from Massachusetts. I can't match him in decibels or Jezebels, or anything else apparently."

-- 1993 Senate floor debate with Ted Kennedy

"All Latins are volatile people. Hence, I was not surprised at the volatile reaction."

-- stated by Helms after Mexicans protested his visit to Mexico in 1986 to investigate allegations of political corruption.

"To rob the Negro of his reputation of thinking through a problem in his own fashion is about the same as trying to pretend that he doesn't have a natural instinct for rhythm and for singing and dancing. The Negro cannot count forever on the kind of restraint that's thus far left him free to clog the streets, disrupt traffic, and interfere with other men's rights."

When a caller to CNN's Larry King Live show praised guest Jesse Helms for 'everything you've done to help keep down the niggers,' Helms' response was to salute the camera
and say, 'Well, thank you, I think.'"

--- Wilmington Star-News, 9/16/95

"If God had wanted us to use the metric system, Jesus would have had 10 apostles."

"The New York Times and The Washington Post are both infested with homosexuals themselves."

University of North Carolina (UNC). "University of Negroes and Communists."

posted by ericb at 8:38 AM on July 4 [46 favorites]


Thanks for that, ericb--I guarantee you that MSM coverage of Helms' death will mirror that of his retirement. This native North Carolinian does not mourn his passing.
posted by MrMoonPie at 8:38 AM on July 4


Sen. Helms was a lighthouse keeper singing a beautiful song of liberty, equality, and justice while he worked through the night to guide us past these rocky shores and shoals of immoral, silvery fish. His light, now sadly extinguished, leaves us all racing dangerously towards unknown cliffs and sandbars that will strand us and leave us desperate for salvation. Now we are left with nary a Coleman lantern to guide us through these strange waters, and the world is worse off for it. Godspeed, Sir Helms, may your memory enlighten us for ages, as you were truly a humble, noble king amongst men.
posted by cmonkey at 8:39 AM on July 4 [1 favorite]


This is part of the masterplan of the Republicans to provide the US with unlimited energy. When Obama wins it in 08, the generator they wire to his body will spin so fast it could power the country for the next century.

Good riddance to bad trash. I know one shouldn't speak ill of someone when they've passed, but for him I can make an exception.
posted by inthe80s at 8:40 AM on July 4 [7 favorites]


Thanks for reposting that, ericb. There were some good comments in the first post.
posted by yoga at 8:40 AM on July 4


No dots
posted by netbros at 8:40 AM on July 4


Obligatory Bill Hicks quote:

I'm so sick of hearing, "Well, your leaders misspent your hard-earned tax dollars, so you the people have got to tighten your belts and we gotta start payin' this back, because we, your leaders, misspent your money." You know what would make tightening my belt a little easier? If I could tighten it around Jesse Helms' scrawny little chicken-neck. "AHHHH, I feel better about the sacrifice right now!"

"You fuckin' tobbacco-pushin' motherfucker... you are the worst fuckin' drug dealer in the fuckin' wooooorld, you scrawny, right-wing fearmongering piece of -- SUCKER OF SATAN'S COOOOOCK! YOU SUCK SATAN'S COCK, you fuckin' chicken-necked little cracker!" I'd tighten my belt if that were the case. I'd eat bologna for a week, you know what I mean? I'd sacrifice.

Boy, Jesse Helms is another great one, isn't he? Just another fevered ego tainting our collective unconscious. Cause you know, anyone that far to the right, like Swaggart, anyone that far to the right is hiding a very deep and dark secret, you do know that, right?

I'm an armchair fuckin', uh, psychologist BUT, anyone - you know that when Jesse Helms finally dies, he's gonna commit suicide first of all in a washtub outside, underneath a pecan tree. He's gonna slash his wrists and write in blood, "I've been a bad boy." But you know they're going to find the skins of young children drying in his attic, swarms of horseflies going in and out of the eaves, and on CNN over and over, his wife going, "I always wondered about Jesse's collection of little shoes." Anyone that far to the right is hiding a deep, dark secret.

posted by tapeguy at 8:40 AM on July 4 [15 favorites]


Good riddance, you sorry fuck.
posted by cropshy at 8:41 AM on July 4


Something tells me most will not commemorate the memory of Helms dying on the 4th. of July in the same way that we remember three notable Americans who also passed away on this national holiday: Thomas Jefferson (1826), John Adams (1826) and James Monroe (1831).
posted by ericb at 8:41 AM on July 4 [3 favorites]


"I've been portrayed as a caveman by some. That's not true. I'm a conservative progressive, and that means I think all men are equal, be they slants, beaners or niggers."

I'm sorry, I need extra proof that that one's a real quote and not something that a comedian attributed to him or something.
posted by Lentrohamsanin at 8:42 AM on July 4 [2 favorites]


Shine on, you crazy deutsch bagge.
posted by porn in the woods at 8:44 AM on July 4


Mixed emotions, I have.

Really? At least you admit it, I guess.
posted by R. Mutt at 8:45 AM on July 4


What's the over/under on the time of the Metatalk call out for shitting in the obit thread?

Shine on, you crazy deutsch bagge.

Don't mention the Germans.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 8:47 AM on July 4 [1 favorite]


Mixed emotions, I have.

Why am I not shocked?
"Many white North Carolinians are no doubt motivated to vote for Helms because of the almost primal fears he fans. 'The principles we're espousing have been around for thousands of years,' former aide James Lucier once explained, citing the 'prepolitical' themes of God, family, property, and national pride.

But some voters are also attracted to Helms by the personal qualities that make him a rarity among politicians. He brings genuine passion and a sense of moral purpose to what he does. He stands on principle and refuses to compromise. He stands by his friends, and he forces opponents to vote on issues they would rather ignore.

'Most North Carolinians are not as conservative as Jesse Helms,' says Paul Luebke, a state representative and author of Tar Heel Politics. 'But by presenting himself as a man of courage, willing to stand up against "tax-and-spend liberals," homosexuality, and so forth, Helms commands respect.'" *

posted by ericb at 8:47 AM on July 4


I'm generally not a fan of grave-dancing, but I can honestly say I won't miss him.
posted by jonmc at 8:51 AM on July 4 [1 favorite]


former aide James Lucifer once explained

FTFY.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 8:53 AM on July 4 [2 favorites]


"There is not one single case of AIDS in this country that cannot be traced in origin to sodomy."

He did later redeem himself somewhat by sponsoring bills funding HIV/AIDS treatment in Africa. All thanks to this man.
posted by dw at 8:53 AM on July 4


"...as a TV commentator, [h]e spent the decade railing against [Dr. Martin Luther] King, 'Negro hoodlums,' the media, 'sex perverts,' and anyone on welfare. As he explained in one of his nightly five-minute broadcasts, 'A lot of human beings have been born bums.'"*
posted by ericb at 8:53 AM on July 4


I'm generally not a fan of grave-dancing, but I can honestly say I won't miss him.

I've walked past the Helms burial plot many times. If you're ever in Raleigh, let me know and I'll take you by.
posted by EarBucket at 8:57 AM on July 4


Something tells me most will not commemorate the memory of Helms dying on the 4th. of July in the same way that we remember three notable Americans who also passed away on this national holiday: Thomas Jefferson (1826), John Adams (1826) and James Monroe (1831).
posted by ericb


I was trying to find some other old conservative, racist fuckwad that is still alive and have Helms' last words be: "That other conservative, racist fuckwad still lives" like Adams' supposedly last words about Jefferson. Maybe we'll get lucky and whoever that other old conservative, racist fuckwad that I can't think of will die later today and say "Helms still lives." Which I guess is what would have to happen for my original analogy to work.

I still can't bring myself to say I'm glad someone is dead. But I don't mind saying in his obit thread that he was a racist, hateful and divisive person.
posted by marxchivist at 8:58 AM on July 4


I wonder how many illegitimate black children this one fathered.
posted by Afroblanco at 8:59 AM on July 4 [2 favorites]


I noticed that CNN didn't mention his racism AT ALL
posted by mrbill at 9:00 AM on July 4


Here's his soon-to-be grave. I guess I need to change the title on that photo.
posted by marxchivist at 9:00 AM on July 4


Jesse Helms, Muse:
posted by pracowity at 9:01 AM on July 4 [1 favorite]


EarBucket, I didn't say I wanted to actually do it. I like to think I'm above that kind of stuff. I simply wanted to make it clear that I did not like the man or what he did.
posted by jonmc at 9:01 AM on July 4


So, does anyone have anything nice to say about this guy?

I ask as a young pup who was 18 when Helms retired. I missed his career in politics; did he do anything worthwhile?
posted by JDHarper at 9:02 AM on July 4


Yay!
posted by cazoo at 9:02 AM on July 4


I'll leave my disrespect for the dead to defter hands.

MC Stephen Hawking - Why Won't Jesse Helms Just Hurry Up And Die?
posted by uri at 9:02 AM on July 4


"Soon after the Senate vote on the Confederate flag insignia, Sen. Jesse Helms (R.-N.C.) ran into [Carol] Mosely-Braun (D.-Ill.) in a Capitol elevator. Helms turned to his friend, Sen. Orrin Hatch (R.-Utah), and said, 'Watch me make her cry. I'm going to make her cry. I'm going to sing 'Dixie' until she cries.' He then proceeded to sing the song about the good life during slavery to Mosely-Braun

-- Gannett News Service, 9/2/93
posted by ericb at 9:04 AM on July 4 [3 favorites]


Goodbye, you horrible old fuck. With you and Strom Thurmond both gone, maybe I can hold my head up as a Carolinian once again. Please, if there is a god, don't ever let another one of you rise zombie like from the swamps and pollute our political air ever again. I'm going to hope that we've finally, finally moved past a time where you and your ilk could ever rise to any office higher than town idiot, although I don't mean to insult the revered position and many fine people in the office of town idiots.
posted by mygothlaundry at 9:09 AM on July 4 [12 favorites]


So, does anyone have anything nice to say about this guy?

Part of the reason he kept getting reelected was his staff offered really good constituent service. My grandma was having some problems with her some social security or veteran's benefits and a call to his office cleared it right up. Plus, I guess he had grandchildren, maybe they liked him.

And no, I did not just say something nice about him. Probably any Senator would've done the same thing. But helping his constituents was part of his reputation around here. At least among white folks.

I missed his career in politics; did he do anything worthwhile?

Except for helping my grandma, no. He did his best to keep this country mired in a white-supremacist past.
posted by marxchivist at 9:10 AM on July 4


The video that greets you at the website of the Jesse Helms Center asks "Do You Think Like An Entrepreuer?"
posted by jbickers at 9:10 AM on July 4


Perhaps it's karmically fitting that, in the year in which we're likely to elect our first African-American President, the last of the old-guard racist politicians on the national stage would die on Independence Day.
posted by mkultra at 9:12 AM on July 4 [25 favorites]


Fuckin' a!
posted by gman at 9:16 AM on July 4


Hey buddy, you OK there?
posted by ardgedee at 9:16 AM on July 4 [2 favorites]


did he do anything worthwhile?

Read the link! He died.
posted by dobbs at 9:17 AM on July 4 [23 favorites]


From Wikipedia:

Helms had "the 'humorous habit'" of calling all black people "Fred".

What's the origin of this? Is it something like "George", or was he just trying to inject a little wackiness into his bigotry?
posted by decagon at 9:18 AM on July 4


To echo what mgl said: the more relics from uglier eras pass on (Strom Thurmond, Lester Maddox, and now Jesse Helms), the more the South can move forward and put the past away.
posted by jonmc at 9:18 AM on July 4


I was going to put up a Kurt Vonnegut arsehole (*) of remembrance, but I see afroblanco has beaten me to it.
posted by Strange Interlude at 9:20 AM on July 4


Drama queen, making the holiday all about him.

what's the opposite of the dot? "+"? "!"?
posted by fuse theorem at 9:22 AM on July 4


Whether you hated him or loved him or were indifferent to him, he is definitely a part of this nation's history.

So were a lot of people. But he said and did a lot of unconscionable things, so I can't really mourn him all that much.
posted by jonmc at 9:23 AM on July 4 [1 favorite]


I missed his career in politics; did he do anything worthwhile?

Yes, and personally as well. Apparently he lived his life under Milk Wood.
posted by IndigoJones at 9:25 AM on July 4


Every time a bitter racist conservative dies, an angel gets its wings.
posted by Lectrick at 9:25 AM on July 4 [4 favorites]


'A lot of human beings have been born bums.'

At least he knew himself well.
posted by wendell at 9:27 AM on July 4


So, does anyone have anything nice to say about this guy?

I have a really nice set of prints from well known NYC artists because of him. Long time ago, they got together and published print editions to raise money to try to defeat him. Of course it didn't work, but if not for him I wouldn't have this nice art. But I guess that is actually saying something nice about the artists - who put their time and talent into trying to defeat a racist.
posted by R. Mutt at 9:27 AM on July 4


Is this the guy that makes the kickin' head gear?

No, that's Jesse Helmet.
posted by ZenMasterThis at 9:31 AM on July 4


America's suddenly a little bit brighter.
posted by Legomancer at 9:37 AM on July 4


Unfortunately, we're still stuck with a lot of the racist bastards that kept electing him.
posted by Legomancer at 9:39 AM on July 4 [4 favorites]


What an asshole...good riddance.

*
posted by schyler523 at 9:40 AM on July 4


"And, in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make."
posted by Flunkie at 9:41 AM on July 4 [1 favorite]


He died too soon. I truly wish he lived long enough to see, and would have been cognizant enough to understand, that a black man was going to be his next president. Fuck this guy.
posted by hobbes103 at 9:41 AM on July 4 [11 favorites]


This one's gone too.
posted by kuujjuarapik at 9:41 AM on July 4


"Soon after the Senate vote on the Confederate flag insignia, Sen. Jesse Helms (R.-N.C.) ran into [Carol] Mosely-Braun (D.-Ill.) in a Capitol elevator. Helms turned to his friend, Sen. Orrin Hatch (R.-Utah), and said, 'Watch me make her cry. I'm going to make her cry. I'm going to sing 'Dixie' until she cries.' He then proceeded to sing the song about the good life during slavery to Mosely-Braun

Y'know, some people who say dumb shit I can shrug off as products of their time or misguided or ignorant or whatever, but that makes me realize that Jesse Helms wasn't just a bigot, he was a mean-spirited bully, too.
posted by jonmc at 9:41 AM on July 4 [2 favorites]


Shrug.

(That's my suggestion for a good "opposite" for a single period.)
posted by CommonSense at 9:43 AM on July 4


The prospect of a black president was just too much for him, I guess.

I can't help laughing, though; even such a veteran denialist cannot have escaped realizing how much the backlash against his blundering, venomous stupidity has paved the way for the Obama candidacy.

Fat chance, but R. I. P., Jesse.
posted by jamjam at 9:44 AM on July 4


Also, Sen. Mosely-Braun should've sang this until he shut the fuck up.
posted by jonmc at 9:45 AM on July 4


Larry "Bozo" Harmon and George Carlin both died of Heart Failure. They haven't reported Helms' cause of death yet, but you can't have something fail that you don't have.

Did anybody ever sing "We Shall Overcome" to him until he cried?
posted by wendell at 9:47 AM on July 4


*burns confederate flag over jesse helms' grave, pisses on the ashes*
posted by pyramid termite at 9:47 AM on July 4 [1 favorite]


The prospect of a black president was just too much for him, I guess.

now i'm actually sorry he died - the bastard should have lived to see obama be made president and then died
posted by pyramid termite at 9:49 AM on July 4 [4 favorites]


That's quite enough of that.
posted by tommasz at 9:50 AM on July 4


On the 4th of July? Like Adams and Jefferson? I'm speechless.
posted by orthogonality at 9:51 AM on July 4


My first ever use of the "F" word on the internet.

Good fucking riddance!
posted by notreally at 9:56 AM on July 4 [3 favorites]


REALLY
posted by notreally at 9:56 AM on July 4 [3 favorites]


fuse theorem : what's the opposite of the dot? "+"? "!"?

That would be the *

(And if only Vonnegut had lived to see this day)
posted by Afroblanco at 9:56 AM on July 4 [1 favorite]


Every time a Republican dies, a black man eats chicken wings. Good riddance, asshole!
posted by ChickenringNYC at 9:58 AM on July 4 [1 favorite]


I've always believed we should only say good things about the dead.

Jesse Helms is dead. Good.
posted by MrBadExample at 10:06 AM on July 4 [12 favorites]


This is really sad, truly heartbreaking...that I never got a chance to punch him in the dick.
posted by The Straightener at 10:06 AM on July 4 [8 favorites]


Happy birthday, America.
posted by Flunkie at 10:09 AM on July 4 [4 favorites]


*
posted by joe defroster at 10:10 AM on July 4


the bastard should have lived to see obama be made president

maybe he said 'over my dead body,' and God said 'that can be arranged.'
posted by jonmc at 10:10 AM on July 4 [23 favorites]


Helms was a staunch supporter of Taiwan, and for that he will be missed.
posted by gyc at 10:15 AM on July 4


Go Go Hagiography!

It seems that we're all wrong about Jesse. He had a black friend, so he couldn't possibly be racist!
posted by Legomancer at 10:16 AM on July 4


There seems to be a lot of floccinaucinihilipilification of the Senator.
posted by MtDewd at 10:16 AM on July 4


Even the most evil things eventually end.
posted by clockzero at 10:26 AM on July 4


I'm conflicted about this. On the one hand, I think he was--well, others upthread have covered all that. On the other, I think a certain amount of respect is due when people die. And no, I really don't want to get into an argument about that. I'm sure someone will start one, though.

So.. compromise: I feel sorry for his family. One hopes that they loved him, and they are probably very sad right now.
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 10:27 AM on July 4 [1 favorite]


Er... I don't hope that they're sad. Obviously.
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 10:29 AM on July 4


I think a certain amount of respect is due when people die.
Only one of us said he pisses on Helms' grave. How much more respect do you want?
posted by Flunkie at 10:29 AM on July 4 [1 favorite]


I more or less agree with you, dnab. And quite frankly, the reason I try not to indulge in grave-dancing (I fail sometimes) is that I sleep better when I can say 'I was more decent than you.'
posted by jonmc at 10:30 AM on July 4


That's neither respect nor decency. That's "I'm better than you."
posted by Flunkie at 10:32 AM on July 4


I'll just say that there's double the reason to celebrate this day today. Happy 4th, y'all.
posted by jenfullmoon at 10:34 AM on July 4


Goodbye, you fucking buffoon.
posted by sonic meat machine at 10:35 AM on July 4


Only one of us said he pisses on Helms' grave. How much more respect do you want?


*sigh* You missed the point of what I was saying.
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 10:37 AM on July 4 [1 favorite]


"You needed that job..."


You know, I think all our American friends here, whenever they have the misfortune to be in the company of someone who uses the term "liberal media" unironically, should mention how said "liberal media" obscenely whitewashed Helms's racism from the coverage of the later part of his career and of his death. Cuba, abortion, they were only side issues: Helms was about one thing, and one thing only:

Appearing on “Larry King Live” in 1995, Jesse Helms, then the senior senator from North Carolina, fielded a call from an unusual admirer. Helms deserved the Nobel Peace Prize, the caller gushed, “for everything you’ve done to help keep down the niggers.” Given the rank ugliness of the sentiment — the guest host, Robert Novak, called it, with considerable understatement, “politically incorrect” — Helms could only pause before responding. But the hesitation couldn’t suppress his gut instincts. “Whoops, well, thank you, I think,” he said.


He spent his life doing all he could to "keep down the niggers", period. Of course, the liberal media is instead telling us all about the anti-communist, "pro-life" Senator, instead. Not even Nixon, with his hero's funeral, got this kind of treatment with kid gloves.
posted by matteo at 10:38 AM on July 4 [5 favorites]


matteo, it's only 'liberal bias' when it's saying what the rightwingers don't want to hear.
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 10:41 AM on July 4


Maybe they'd rather he fade away into the dustbin of history where he belongs.
posted by jonmc at 10:41 AM on July 4


"If God had wanted us to use the metric system, Jesus would have had 10 apostles."

This one's actually funny.
posted by oaf at 10:43 AM on July 4


I think a certain amount of respect is due when people die.

Not everyone. My only sadness is he didn't waste away from a mysterious communicable illness while his government did nothing and told him it was god's judgement for his lifestyle.
posted by Nelson at 10:43 AM on July 4 [7 favorites]


Jesse Helms is the subject of one of my favorite jokes by the political comedian Will Durst.

Back in the early 80's, when Helms was trying to slash funding for the NEA, Durst said that "Jesse Helms doesn't know enough about art to spell it, even if you spotted him the A and the T." Later in the same routine, Durst is talking about a painting of dogs playing poker or somesuch, and he imagines Jesse Helms pointing to the painting and exclaiming, "Now that's aft!"
posted by stefanie at 10:44 AM on July 4


He spent his life doing all he could to "keep down the niggers", period.

That's a good summary of his life and career. Perhaps add something about his anti-homosexual legacy also.
posted by marxchivist at 10:44 AM on July 4


Wow, despite the full-on economic collapse this could shape up to be a pretty good year for America.
posted by Kraftmatic Adjustable Cheese at 10:46 AM on July 4


*sigh* You missed the point of what I was saying.
*sigh* Back at you, actually.
posted by Flunkie at 10:46 AM on July 4


No, Flunkie, seriously.. I wasn't asking anyone else to do anything. I have a history of pointing out in MeTa obitchuary threads that I feel respect is deserved. Someone like this pushes the very far edges of that feeling. That's all I was saying. I wasn't asking for anything. That's why you didn't get it. Is that clear enough?
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 10:49 AM on July 4


That's neither respect nor decency. That's "I'm better than you."

or conscience.
posted by jonmc at 10:51 AM on July 4 [1 favorite]


As a life-long North Carolinian, I can think of no better way to say it than this:

When we first heard the news this morning, there was joyful singing and dancing on my street.
posted by thivaia at 10:53 AM on July 4


Oh, please. If your objection is that I think you're demanding respect for Helms, change my statement from "How much more respect do you want" to "How much more respect do you think he deserves".
posted by Flunkie at 10:53 AM on July 4


I wish he had died during his hay day when he had power. I imagine he would really have hated that. 'So many to hate, so little time.' Dying now in this fossilized state is pathetic.
posted by hojoki at 10:53 AM on July 4


or conscience.
No, conscience would be if you didn't do it to say that you're better than him.
posted by Flunkie at 10:54 AM on July 4


I'll bet he died on the 3rd and the fudged it so they could say it was on the 4th.
posted by RavinDave at 10:54 AM on July 4 [1 favorite]


Respect is never deserved, it is earned.

A man who exploited the ignorance and hate of poor white southerners for political gain for decades and actively worked to oppress those less fortunate is a villain plain and simple.

He has earned no respect.

We should hold a parade celebrating his demise. Seriously.
posted by device55 at 10:54 AM on July 4 [3 favorites]


I suspected the same, RavinDave.
posted by hojoki at 10:55 AM on July 4


Flunkie, put it this way: I didn't like the man or his policies or his statements, but maybe he had some people somewhere that loved him, and I think everybody deserves a small modicum of respect simply for being a human being. and yes, maybe there's a little bit of tactical advantage in saying "I showed more respect for your dead than you did for mine.' If you want to argue against that, go ahead, but what you're making is the small end of a fine point shaved down to nothing and accomplishes zero.
posted by jonmc at 10:57 AM on July 4


hojoki writes "Dying now in this fossilized state is pathetic."

I know North Carolina can be backward, but I thibk calling it a "fossilized state" is going too far. ;)
posted by orthogonality at 10:57 AM on July 4



Shine on, you crazy deutsch bagge.
posted by porn in the woods at 4:44 PM

hey, we have enough racist assholes to worry about, you can keep that one.

(was he of german heritage? Not that it would change anything, the little man with the beard was from austria and that doesn't really absolve the germans.)
posted by kolophon at 10:58 AM on July 4


I read the other day that North Carolina could be a swing state in the upcoming elections.
I hope that NC residents put the bigotry and racism behind them and make the right choice.

If this does happen then this truly is a great country.
posted by Webbster at 10:59 AM on July 4


Didn't Jesse hire James Meredith?

Helms was more complicated on racial issues than the caricature he became for many Americans. He actually had African Americans on his staff including James Meredith who integrated the University of Mississippi.

Yes, it IS complicated. And back a few years ago it was way more complicated than it is now. Please realize that even white southern politicians grow and learn.

Heck, even my racist father invited and hosted my black son in law for Christmas dinner last year.

How about let's not have total knee jerk reactions at a man's death-and instead take the opportunity to learn a little bit more about what was truly going on?
posted by konolia at 11:00 AM on July 4


obitchuary

ISWYDT
posted by yort at 11:00 AM on July 4


Fuck 'im.
posted by billypilgrim at 11:03 AM on July 4


fossilized "condition", then. :)
posted by hojoki at 11:03 AM on July 4


Please realize that even white southern politicians grow and learn.

Sure (I say that unsarcastically). George Wallace publicly apologized for the things he did duringthe civil rights era. Helms didn't. I don't believe in the knee-jerk anti-Southernisms that many engage in, but Helms was what he was.

Heck, even my racist father invited and hosted my black son in law for Christmas dinner last year.

Good for him. But part of reconciliation is acknowledging past wrongs and how wrong they were, and Jesse Helms kept the drum beating beyond any kind of sense (not that there ever was any, but you see what I'm saying).
posted by jonmc at 11:05 AM on July 4


I don't think he was a good man, but I offer sympathies to his family, who no doubt loved him and are grieving.
posted by Justinian at 11:07 AM on July 4


everybody deserves a small modicum of respect simply for being a human being.

Citation needed.
posted by tzikeh at 11:07 AM on July 4 [3 favorites]


Doug Marlette vs. Jesse Helms.
posted by marxchivist at 11:10 AM on July 4


dirtynumbangelboy writes "I think a certain amount of respect is due when people die"

Oh, I disagree. I firmly believe that some deaths in this world should be celebrated. Either happiness for a life well-spent, or joy at seeing the end of a life that caused sorrow and misery for others. In either case a celebration is warranted, and if there's a line forming to dance on the grave, go ahead and join the queue.

The only respect due to the dead is the respect the dead person in question had for others when he or she were still living. If a Fred Phelps or a Robert Mugabe dies today, then find that grave and dance, motherfucker, dance - and sleep with a clear conscience when you are done.

Now, Jesse Helms? I'm not saying I'm driving to Raleigh to spit on the headstone, but weighing the good he did against the bad... I surely won't miss the son of a bitch.
posted by caution live frogs at 11:15 AM on July 4 [3 favorites]


Yeah, he was a douche bag... a truly evil man. But, as I've said in previous obit threads, I just can't take pleasure in the death of another.
posted by brundlefly at 11:16 AM on July 4


The fact that he lived so long and died relatively peacefully is just more confirmation to me that there is no benevolent sky father, and that this country is sick at it's core.
posted by vertigo25 at 11:16 AM on July 4


I can't hold a grudge against Jesse Helms. He was very nice to my mother once. She was trying to cross a busy intersection, and he stopped punching a black man in the face long enough to help her get across.
posted by Astro Zombie at 11:18 AM on July 4 [13 favorites]


I finally got around to watching Sicko the other day, and ever since have been somewhat conflicted about the idea of celebrating our nation today. But now, yes, I'll enjoy those fireworks knowing that today we're a little bit better than we were yesterday.
posted by sriracha at 11:20 AM on July 4


I believe some singing and dancing is called for.
posted by CheeseDigestsAll at 11:23 AM on July 4


He doesn't deserve a period
posted by mike3k at 11:23 AM on July 4


the little man with the beard was from austria

Freud?
posted by briank at 11:24 AM on July 4


Looking back on the recent deaths of Jesse Helms and Bozo the Clown, I'm rather saddened to see Bozo the Clown pass on.
posted by tyllwin at 11:24 AM on July 4 [1 favorite]


Oh, please. If your objection is that I think you're demanding respect for Helms, change my statement from "How much more respect do you want" to "How much more respect do you think he deserves".

And you're still missing the point. I wasn't asking anyone else to do anything or change their behaviour or anything. I was musing on the conflict this brought up in me.
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 11:27 AM on July 4


just can't take pleasure in the death of another.

Man, it's a heavy burden you lay on me. But ok, I'll take the pleasure for you.
posted by Nelson at 11:28 AM on July 4


Grave dancing is fun, definitely. And I agree that much of it is born from an ugly place in the human soul, the "I'm better than you" place.

But this is a case where a man proudly and effectively spent his entire lifetime causing real, measurable, tangible harm and suffering to many, many good, honest, hard working patriotic people whom I love very much, including my dark-skinned wife, my gay sister, and many of my close friends. To reflect upon his life and accord him respect for the type of life he led is far more offensive and disregarding of human dignity than spending some time on the internet pointing out the short comings of his pathetic world view.

Yes, as a human being he deserved basic human dignity and I think he got that in his lifetime. But he also pissed on everything important to me in the world so he can go fuck himself all the way to hell.
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 11:30 AM on July 4 [4 favorites]


If the death penalty is supposed to be a deterrent to violent crime, then why can't dancing on the grave of a racist asshole be considered a deterrent to racist assholery?
posted by troybob at 11:30 AM on July 4


But now, yes, I'll enjoy those fireworks knowing that today we're a little bit better than we were yesterday.

This brings up a topic I often think about, in terms of progress, if you'll permit me to discourse a little bit... I always find it astounding how things like true racism, sexism, and other varieties of bigotry & hatred can persist for so long in the face of rationality and decency. And yet, every day another "fossilized" appendage of the octopus of our collective consciousness crumbles away (take THAT English language!), and someone born today takes its place, living their whole lives in a racially/culturally diverse neighborhood (like me), or among many openly homosexual friends (like my sister), etc. So, even if I & my family are as whitebread as it gets, we are exposed to, and are not afraid of, the Other, and can't be pushed around for fear of them, because they are our friends and neighbors.
posted by synaesthetichaze at 11:37 AM on July 4 [1 favorite]


On the other, I think a certain amount of respect is due when people die.

I totally agree with you. I think a lot of us forget that death is an accomplishment that few achieve, an accomplishment so strong and brave that it negates the fact that the person who managed to pull off such a feat was a complete shitbag undeserving of respect or being pissed upon while on fire while alive.
posted by cmonkey at 11:39 AM on July 4 [13 favorites]


I'm looking forward to reading the Raleigh News & Observer tomorrow-- both op-eds and letters-- it should be interesting. I was going to link to the comments page where people are invited to "Share your remembrances of Jesse Helms, tributes and condolences" but so far there are only 2 comments, including one "good riddence."

So instead I will link to this article in which the current senior Senator from North Carolina, Barbara Dole, remembers that he always used to call his mother on her birthday, and one time he took his staff out for ice cream. (!)
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 11:40 AM on July 4


Grave dancing is fun, definitely. And I agree that much of it is born from an ugly place in the human soul, the "I'm better than you" place.

Well, yeah. Which is why, on a certain level I'm glad he's gone, since like I said, everytime another relic of that era dies off is a chance for somebody more reasonable to take over. And, like you, I'm angry at the grief him and his kind caused plenty of people close to me. But, I also want to believe that I'm better than him, and frankly wanting to consider yourself the moral superior of Jesse Helms is not exactly scaling the heights of self-righteousness, so I'll allow myself the small indulgence of feeling superior to him for not dancing on his grave while still giving his actions all the ridicule they deserve.
posted by jonmc at 11:41 AM on July 4


Jonmc nails it. Almost all of the most hardcore Southern segregationists repented of their ways later in life, at least publicly. Wallace, Thurmond, they admitted they were wrong. Helms never did. As a North Carolinian, there was nothing more embarrassing than the fact that for many people, this racist fossil was the public face of my state. I wrote about this for my college paper back when Helms retired. Looking back, it's not my best piece of writing, but I still agree with the central thesis. Helms earned the support of many North Carolinians not because they were necessarily racist or hateful, but because he represented a bulwark of stability during a time when our state was changing. I can't excuse it--the truth was too obvious to ignore--but perhaps I can understand it. Now we again find ourselves on the cusp of even more meaningful change: there's a lot of talk that NC might go for Obama this November. Will it actually happen? I don't know. But I can think of no better refutation of the politics of division and spite that Helms represented for so long.
posted by Rangeboy at 11:41 AM on July 4 [1 favorite]


...

I just said to my half-asleep fiance, "Hey, Jesse Helms died."

Our parrot interjects, "That's good!"

I'm not making this up.
posted by Nattie at 11:43 AM on July 4 [12 favorites]


Almost all of the most hardcore Southern segregationists repented of their ways later in life, at least publicly.

Off all of them, I'm only persuaded that Wallace was sincere, since once you brush aside his racism, he was actually fairly liberal, unlike Helms. Jim Goad actually wrote a fairly perceptive article comparing Wallace and Elijah Muhammad.
posted by jonmc at 11:45 AM on July 4 [1 favorite]


Addendum to my comment: maybe I should mention that my sister is in 9th grade, and that even 10 years ago when I myself was in 9th grade, having openly gay students would have caused some kind of major riot, fire, or small scale civil war in my hometown.

My point is, eventually things get better, because people like Jesse Helms die. Eventually.
posted by synaesthetichaze at 11:46 AM on July 4 [2 favorites]


I totally agree with you. I think a lot of us forget that death is an accomplishment that few achieve, an accomplishment so strong and brave that it negates the fact that the person who managed to pull off such a feat was a complete shitbag undeserving of respect or being pissed upon while on fire while alive.

cmonkey, you're missing it too. I agree that he was a reprehensible human being. I stated what very clearly. I also feel that people deserve respect when dead--if for no other reason than for the family and loved ones of the dead person. That is why there is a conflict for me here. I really, really don't understand how I could be any more clear.
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 11:48 AM on July 4


I hope there is a God.
I hope God washes Jesse's filthy, tainted, wasted soul clean and forgives him his sins and shows him the justice and mercy that Helms spent the best part of his life denying to others.

But, first, I hope God tortures that motherfucker good.
Something involving humiliation and degradation and shunning.

Redemptive suffering, baby.

Mr. Helms, God rest his human soul, deserves the chance to redeem his soul just like any other sad, misguided, ingnorance and hate filled evildoer. But redemption isn't free.

Penance first, then mercy.
posted by mer2113 at 11:50 AM on July 4


Sen. Helms was a lighthouse keeper singing a beautiful song of liberty, equality, and justice while he worked through the night to guide us past these rocky shores and shoals of immoral, silvery fish. His light, now sadly extinguished, leaves us all racing dangerously towards unknown cliffs and sandbars that will strand us and leave us desperate for salvation. Now we are left with nary a Coleman lantern to guide us through these strange waters, and the world is worse off for it. Godspeed, Sir Helms, may your memory enlighten us for ages, as you were truly a humble, noble king amongst men.
posted by cmonkey at 8:39 AM on July 4


I think a lot of us forget that death is an accomplishment that few achieve, an accomplishment so strong and brave that it negates the fact that the person who managed to pull off such a feat was a complete shitbag undeserving of respect or being pissed upon while on fire while alive.
posted by cmonkey at 11:39 AM on July 4 [+] [!]


The irony is strong with this one.
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 11:50 AM on July 4 [2 favorites]


And you're still missing the point. I wasn't asking anyone else to do anything or change their behaviour or anything. I was musing on the conflict this brought up in me.
I'm guessing that you missed the part where I said that if your objection is that you think I think you're demanding that anyone else do anything or change their behavior or anything, you're wrong.
posted by Flunkie at 11:50 AM on July 4


Slarty, I'm not sure what you're getting at. cmonkey's a lot of things, but he's generally a decent guy and pretty staedfast in his positions. You'll have to do better than cherry-picked quotes to attack him.
posted by jonmc at 11:54 AM on July 4


The whole 'respect for the dead' thing is superstitious garbage. What's horrible about this guy is not simply that he was a bigot, but that he fostered and benefited from bigotry, and quite enjoyed it. He has planted seeds of hatred that will go on for decades, and efforts to find something good to say about him--like the media's (so far) shying away from this horrible legacy of his--are an embarrassment in a time when we should know better. The last message we should send to any bigot is that they can still manage to command our respect.
posted by troybob at 11:56 AM on July 4 [1 favorite]


Maybe the word is not "irony" so much as "knack for scathing satire".
posted by cortex at 11:57 AM on July 4 [1 favorite]


I thought cmonkey's first quote was serious when I first read it. That's all
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 11:57 AM on July 4


troybob, I think you realize that's expressly not what most of us are doing.
posted by jonmc at 11:57 AM on July 4


"Democracy used to be a good thing, but now it has gotten into the wrong hands."
posted by popechunk at 11:59 AM on July 4


Off all of them, I'm only persuaded that Wallace was sincere, since once you brush aside his racism, he was actually fairly liberal

I'm not sure I would call him "liberal," but I agree that Wallace was a far more complicated man than either Helms or Thurmond. His early racism seems to have been tactical rather than innate (as evidenced by his infamous comment about his failed 1958 bid for governor.)
posted by Rangeboy at 11:59 AM on July 4


We will all be dead someday, and the universal condition is why I generally will not generally speak ill of the newly dead, but keep my mouth shut, except to say that in this case, Jesse Helms looked liked a cartoon turtle.
posted by Snyder at 12:00 PM on July 4 [1 favorite]


I thought cmonkey's first quote was serious when I first read it. That's all

And it was meant as a compliment.

posted by Slarty Bartfast at 12:01 PM on July 4


For the record, the liberal, godless, pro-Al Qaeda, pro-Hamas, unborn-child killers over at the New York Times slapped a big photo of Helms with Reagan (Reagan, you know, the greatest President ever) over their website's front page and in a very long obituary the NYT mentions the word "segregation" once, in this context:

For Mr. Helms, the orderliness of the small town even encompassed racial segregation; as a child, he saw it not as a great evil but as an accepted part of his world.


I mean, only as a child, 80 years ago, he saw segregation as part of daily life, like hot weather in the summer and Christmas trees in December. For the rest of his life he was clearly against it, one assumes from the Newspaper Of Record's obituary.
posted by matteo at 12:01 PM on July 4 [1 favorite]


please do take notIce that thIs sentence does not have a dot In It

no dots

he doesnt deserve punctuatIon

so what helms had supported taIwan

nIxon had supported chIna

both men were elItIst racIst prIcks and theIr tIme Is over

forgIve yes of course

forget hopefully sooner than later

today we celebrate our Independence from helms scrawny ass and bIg fat mouth
posted by ZachsMind at 12:02 PM on July 4 [1 favorite]


The last message we should send to any bigot is that they can still manage to command our respect.

I know. I agree with you! For God's sake, seriously, do you people not read? Nobody here is saying that we should respect him. The only person who came close was me, and I have more than clarified what I said. Seriously. What is wrong with you people?
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 12:05 PM on July 4 [1 favorite]


take it to Meta, dirtynumbangelboy
posted by matteo at 12:06 PM on July 4 [9 favorites]


I agree that he was a reprehensible human being. I stated what very clearly. I also feel that people deserve respect when dead--if for no other reason than for the family and loved ones of the dead person. That is why there is a conflict for me here. I really, really don't understand how I could be any more clear.


You have not clearly made a convincing argument that by simply dying a monster deserves more respect than he did in life.
posted by device55 at 12:07 PM on July 4 [1 favorite]


He was always my touchstone for the one person who would have made a worse president than Bush. Now I guess Bush is number one.
posted by dances_with_sneetches at 12:11 PM on July 4


How about let's not have total knee jerk reactions at a man's death-and instead take the opportunity to learn a little bit more about what was truly going on?

Ok konolia, explain to us whats "truly going on" when Helms saluted and said "thank you, I think" to somebody who congratulated him for "keeping down the niggers" in 1995.

What was going on then? Or when he said that Bill Clinton would "need bodyguards" if he ever visited NC?

We know, konolia, you (*heart*) the Republican party and all they stand for, but this is just ridiculous. Helms was an evil and racist man who did everything he could to pit 2/3rds of North Carolina against the other 1/3 his entire political career.

Some day you're just going to have to own up to the fact that your Favorite Super Friends in the Southern Republican party were, for most of your life, really rotten people who believed really rotten things.

Oh but its all ok because Dems are baby-killers, right? Helms loved babies, even the filthy, criminal negro babies!
posted by Avenger at 12:12 PM on July 4 [7 favorites]


"I am from North Carolina, and I did not vote for Jesse Helms" was a popular bumper sticker 'round these parts. The parts that hated Jesse Helms.
posted by malaprohibita at 12:12 PM on July 4 [1 favorite]


dirtynumbetc: I was speaking to the general thing in the media now that is holding back on giving any kind of accurate assessment of this guy, which seems to come from this idea of observing respect for the dead, if not simply fear of the right-wing crowd they seem so scared of anymore.

Believe it or not, everything around here is not about you.
posted by troybob at 12:13 PM on July 4 [3 favorites]


Zach, I flagged your post to take care of the one on the bottom of the flagging exclamation point. But I can't do anything about your username or the colon in the timestamp.
posted by Esoquo at 12:13 PM on July 4 [1 favorite]


You have not clearly made a convincing argument that by simply dying a monster deserves more respect than he did in life.

Probably because I'm not arguing that? Please go back and re-read what I've written.

*sigh*

Whatever. I give up. Henceforth I'll keep my comments confined to LOLCATS threads, since I am clearly speaking in a different language.
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 12:15 PM on July 4


by the way, this is the NYT today in full revisionist mode re: Helms's radio program:


From 1960 to 1972 he did political commentary on WRAL radio, WRAL-TV and the Tobacco Radio Network. The stations’ statewide reach and Mr. Helms’s piquant commentaries against communism, the “lax” criminal justice system and welfare turned Mr. Helms into a household name, both loved and hated.


So, according to the NYT, Helms there spoke out against communism, crime, and welfare.

A less dishonest view of his broadcasts:

Helms, as a prominent TV editorialist, repeatedly criticized what he called "the so-called" civil rights movement, attacked the Rev. Martin Luther King Jr. and portrayed the white South as a victim of a national smear campaign.

"The civil rights struggle is now no more than a political gambit leading to anarchy," Helms said in a WRAL editorial in April 1964. "It is time for politicians to stop thinking of the minority bloc votes of the next election and start thinking of the next generation. Otherwise America will be destroyed from within -- just as Karl Marx forecast."


More on the content of his broadcasts here:

What he doesn't say is that the 2,751 editorials were based in some of the most venal bigotry of the times. "Are civil rights only for Negroes?" he asked in 1963. "White women in Washington who have been raped and mugged on the streets in broad daylight have experienced the most revolting sort of violation of their civil rights. The hundreds of others who had their purses snatched last year by Negro hoodlums may understandably insist that their right to walk the street unmolested was violated." In his five-minute editorials, Helms condoned lunch-counter segregation; said civil-rights protesters were "no less an affront to society" than the Ku Klux Klan; and accused civil-rights marchers of participating in "sex orgies of the rawest sort." He also insisted that four Alabama Klansmen who murdered a Detroit woman in 1965 were responding to "deliberate provocation" by Martin Luther King Jr. and President Lyndon Johnson. If Helms feels any remorse for inflaming racial tensions in North Carolina during the 1960s, he reveals none of it in his new autobiography.

In fact, he still justifies his opposition to civil-rights laws. "Many good people who supported the principle of progress for everyone could not agree to the destruction of one citizen's freedom in order to convey questionable 'rights' to another," he writes. "They believed forced social engineering was hazardous to the freedom we all deserve." By polarizing the races, Helms writes, the civil-rights movement constituted a "new form of bigotry." But he also wants us to know that he himself is not a racist. As proof he offers his "friendship"--more like friendly banter--with one of the Capitol's black elevator operators.


I mean, he was just against "social engineering", after all.
posted by matteo at 12:15 PM on July 4 [2 favorites]


I'm stopping my attempt at the 'no punctuation thing' from this point forward cuz it's far too much effort to put into a man this dead and this racist, but just pretend everything in this thread is without any resemblance of punctuation cuz that woulda been cool looking.

Welcome to MetaFilter: Where we roast dead racist bigots, and we roast anyone who remotely attempts to defend said dead racist bigots!

I love MetaFilter. =)

Really. Each and every one of you still in this thread. We've already exhaled far more than enough carbon dioxide in this DEAD RACIST BIGOT CARCASS' direction. We already know anyone who tries to defend him is secretly one day also going to be a DEAD RACIST BIGOT CARCASS and there's no need for the rest of us to constantly underline or highlight the fact that DEAD RACIST BIGOT CARCASSes suck raw eggs through a straw and should be ground up and fed to starving pigs.

But this is only the same kind of hate Helms spewed for a career and a lifetime -- just pointed in the opposite direction. That doesn't make it any better.

We've wasted enough time on this fool in this thread. There may be a hundred or more comments after the one I'm making right now. Just riddle me this: Recent obit threads have included George Carlin, Tim Russert, Don S. Davis, and that cute little masturbating walrus. Does Helms really deserve to be in such esteemed company?

We loved and respected Carlin, Davis, Russert, and that stupid walrus far more than we do Jesse Helms, and yet he gets his same day in the MeFi sun to shine. There's some kind of imporant Afterschool Special kinda message to be had here, but I've lost sight of it cuz I can't get over the fact that Jesse Helms is a DEAD RACIST BIGOT CARCASS. I think I'm gonna have me a beer!
posted by ZachsMind at 12:26 PM on July 4


This is all getting kind of weird, in that konolia and dirtynumbangelboy are being joined at the hip here. They're both decent, but somewhat addled people who've been at eachother's throats before. That's kind of a strange side-effect of a thread about the death of a bigoted senator, but maybe I'm crazy.
posted by jonmc at 12:27 PM on July 4


Who in the what now?
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 12:35 PM on July 4


Jesse Helms was a traitor to his country.

He was such a friend of the brutal Chilean dictator Pinochet that he warned him of an impending CIA operation against him.

Not to mention the time he basically called for the President's assassination "Clinton better watch out if he comes down here (North Carolina). He'd better have his bodyguard." The Secret Service wanted to press charges, but was dissuaded.


I hope he and his close friend Pinochet rot together in hell.
posted by eye of newt at 12:40 PM on July 4 [3 favorites]


Henceforth I'll keep my comments confined to LOLCATS threads

so, you favor the imprisonment of all verbalizations with risable felines? i expected no less out of you.
posted by quonsar at 12:41 PM on July 4


eponysterical.
posted by Dave Faris at 12:43 PM on July 4


I never thought anything could top the Fourth of July when I was 14 years old, and the cool punk rock skater boy I had a crush on walked me home from the city park after fireworks, and we stopped off in the cemetery where I had my first kiss.

I was wrong. This is the BEST Fourth of July EVER!
posted by scody at 12:43 PM on July 4 [1 favorite]


Who in the what now?

Meaning yo're both taking shit here. That's all. Maybe you can coonect based on that. Call me kooky.
posted by jonmc at 12:43 PM on July 4


I thought cmonkey's first quote was serious when I first read it. That's all

I just like writing over-the-top memorials to people who don't much deserve it. Sorry for the confusion.

posted by cmonkey at 12:44 PM on July 4


Maybe you can coonect

LOL
posted by quonsar at 12:46 PM on July 4


Haha. It was typo. Holiday, I've been drinking.
posted by jonmc at